It’s not a passing thing. It’s not something that hits him once, that overwhelms him and then backs away. It’s a long game. Grating, wearing, aching. Chronic.
They hate you. They’re just putting up with you because you managed to survive the war.
You’re a burden.
Narcissist. Do you ever think about anything else?
He goes to Thorn, late at night. He sobs his heart out and says he feels ashamed, he feels misplaced, he feels alone. Thorn comforts him.
It happens again.
And again. This time, he goes to Thire.
And again. Back to Thorn.
And again. Stone. He needs to stop doing this. He apologizes.
He’s always apologizing.
Manipulator. Burden. Selfish dramatic prick.
He apologizes to Thorn over instant message. It’s the only way he can keep his voice from shaking.
Manipulator. They hate you. Always apologizing, always making it about yourself. You disgust them. Leave them alone.
That’s right, he is a burden on them. Fox knows this. He knows he’s hurt them. He knows his inability to recover is holding them back. He keeps apologizing, but all that does is make it worse. He’s being terrible. He needs to stop leaning on them so much, Thorn and Thire and Stone and Cody and Wolffe and all the rest of them. They need to have their own space away from him. He’s a life-sucker, a waste of space and air and time.
He needs to apologize. His worthless life and his stupid, stupid disregard for other people burn a hole through him.
He wants to apologize. He wants someone to blame him, or maybe tell him it’s okay.
Burden. Narcissist.
Look at you, begging for attention.
Fox isn’t begging, he’s not, he’s not.
His face is on fire and his throat is too tight to swallow through and his lungs are too cramped to breath and disgusting snotty sobs keep pushing their way out of him. He needs to get over this.
He needs Thorn. He needs someone. He needs help.
He shoves himself into the corner and stuffs his fist in his mouth and bites down. This is a shame so deep it hurts and he needs to make himself hurt. He needs some relief from this.
He feels like he’s dying.
Selfish.
He should never talk to any of them again. It’s better this way.
Burden.